April 2020 – Is the cruelest month

April 2020 – Is the cruelest month

It’s Layla (the clever one) here to guide you through (some of) the happenings at Hazels during the past four weeks. SWhoMBO has long admired T.S.Eliot’s ‘The Wasteland’ and so I thought it fitting to borrow the opening line for this month’s title.

Inevitably, due to Covid-19, work on the house project has slowed considerably. However, there has been some progress.  Since Easter the oak beams inside have been cleaned to within an inch of their lives.

Moses will share a detailed report about inside happenings with you in the May edition.

Outside Work

At the beginning of the third week of April, I was strolling around the site in the morning when I came across these two scary-looking ‘creatures’ and wondered what they were doing on my grass. It all became clear later that day when I eaves-dropped on a conversation between Mr Rod and SWhoMBO.

It seems that Hennie and his ground workers are to dig 600 metres of trench in the top field. But, to prepare for what?

Ah, it would appear that ‘Energy My Way’ are to lay 600 metres of ground source heating pipes in those trenches.  But, oh dear, we ‘enjoyed’ torrential rain on three days this week. What a shame that they were not scheduled to do the work last week when there was brilliant sunshine all day, every day.

They will all return next week, when the forecast (at least, according to Polish-British weatherman Tomasz Schafenacker) is set for the sun to be shining.

The World According to Layla

From the Recent Postbags

I am very happy that many of our readers seemed to appreciate our various skills in the last two months.

“Loved the cats Guide to Isolation in the March edition – a very helpful list!”                     West Wickham Wanderers

Guildford Girl certainly likes our photographs:  “What glorious Spring photos!!! Haven’t we been lucky with the weather, so enabling you to take such purrfect photos. So impressed. I think you are definitely gifted in that field and you should consider taking on the seriously important job of Court Photographer.”

Prompted by the photo of our frenzied assistance with Mr Rod’s filing, Fernhurst Filly dangled the following employment carrot:

“I was hoping to offer Freddie and Layla the job of sorting out my filing – currently piled up in the dining room! You are obviously complete experts. Please do let me know if you would like to see a full job description – I will be offering a generous perks incentive of tinned mackerel and Dreamies in a number of flavours. Looking forward to hearing from you.”

Hascombe Honey (who can boast of a most successful building project herself) gave our humans some encouraging advice:

“Keep going! You are definitely in that strange phase of everything looking like it’s happening at once and nothing looks very different. Immensely frustrating and knee deep mud added to the process doesn’t help! All things will pass and warmer winds and longer days will help the drying out begin in earnest. This bit is when you need to steel yourselves! Wine helps”   

Canterbury Belle sent some sunflowers seeds accompanied by a challenge to grow for the best flowers: “Wow we got a mention – we did worry it was a bit like a busman’s holiday for Mr Rod….”

Not a bit of it – Mr Rod is always up for a gardening competition!

Many readers were taken by the self isolation chair, not least Puttenham pal: “Hi, the house looks great, could do with some furniture! I am sad the self isolation chairs have sold out…..could be good now sun is out.” 

Storrington Stars sent the following note from their Old English Sheepdog: “Truffle here – Just wanted to say thanks for the additional publicity, and that my parents think I was so well behaved with Clare Balding on the day. In reality, I was worn out after all that Crufts PR work, and couldn’t bark even if I wanted to!! Xx”

Spring flowers 

So many people have sent us such beautiful spring flower photos that I decided I must include the best ones here.

Novel ways to make ‘Lockdown’ more bearable

Teddy Spotting 

To cheer up children on their daily walk, a global teddy bear hunt has been taking place from Scandinavia to the USA, Australia and New Zealand. Teddy scavenger hunts were inspired by the children’s book ‘We’re Going on a Bear Hunt’ written by Michael Rosen 1989. The premise is simple – leave out stuffed animals on your window sills so children can count how many they have seen on their walks.

Some serve an educational purpose, such as teddies being placed apart to demonstrate social distancing, while others wear masks. The idea was popularised after residents in Reykjavik started doing it to entertain Icelandic children.

Cat LockDown Humour

 

Other Favourite Lockdown Humour

A drink anyone?

Humour from ‘Over the Pond’

Lockdown Lingo – are you fully conversant with the new terminology?

*Coronacoaster*
The ups and downs of your mood during the pandemic.

*Quarantinis*
Experimental cocktails mixed from whatever ingredients you have in the house.

*Blue Skype thinking*
A work brainstorm session taking place over a video-conferencing app.

*The elephant in the Zoom*
Issue during a videoconferencing call that nobody feels able to mention. E.g. messy house visible in the background.

*Le Creuset wrist*
Aching arm after taking one’s saucepan outside to bang during weekly ‘Clap For Carers.’

*Coronials*
Future generation of babies conceived or born during coronavirus quarantine.

*Furlough Merlot*
Wine consumed in attempt to relieve the frustration of not working, aka “bored-eaux”.

*Quentin Quarantino*
Attention-seeker using their time in lockdown to make amateur films which they are convinced are funnier and cleverer than they actually are.

After it is all Over

Moses look forward to seeing you all again at the end of May.  In the meantime,